Ozzy Osbourne is a doctor. No, really.âŚ Okay, not really. But he does dispense advice, in earnest, in his new bookÂ Trust Me, Iâm Dr. Ozzy (now in stores) on health, relationships, and even dentistry. He is known as âRockâs Ultimate Survivor,â and thatâs probably true. We are willing to concede that he probably knows a thing or two. The book is a collection of actual questions posed to Ozzy in his actual advice columnâwhich ran in The Sunday Times Magazine in London and Rolling Stone in the U.S.âand some of the recommendations he offered. Weâve selected a few of the, well, Ozzy-est responses to real peopleâs questions we could find. You can decide for yourself whether or not to take his advice!
Ozzy on Hangovers:
âIt took me 40 years of trying everything and anything to make the morning-after feel betterâshort of actually giving up boozeâuntil I finally realized that the only thing that ever worked was just to get s***faced again. Like a lot of things, it was obvious in hindsight.â
Ozzy on Parenting:
âAt 62, Iâm lucky if I can remember why I just walked into a room, never mind how I changed a f***ing nappy in 1972. Mind you, I donât think I ever did change a nappy, so even if I could somehow go back in time, I sill wouldnât have a clue. Work it out for yourself.â
Ozzy on Driving:
âIt took me 19 attempts to pass my driving testâand I only finally became legal in October 2009. Not that it ever stopped me from driving, mind you: If anyone ever asked me if I had a license, Iâd just say, âOh yesââŚ which was sort of true: I had a TV license.â
Ozzy on Revenge:
âIf youâre going to send crap in the mail, take a leaf out of my wifeâs book, and do it right: Put it in a Ziploc bag inside of a Tiffanyâs box. Everyone loves to get a Tiffanyâs boxâwhich makes the thought of them untying the ribbon and bow to find a fresh dump inside even more satisfying.â
Ozzy on Romance:
âGuys: When trying to get your partner into the sack, avoid phrases like âmeat thermometer,â âone-eyed yogurt slinger,â and âcheesy bratwurst.â At least until youâre married.â
This is an excerpt from TRUST ME, IâM DR. OZZY, by Ozzy Osbourne
Copyright (c) 2011 by Ozzy Osbourne. Reprinted by permission ofÂ Grand Central Publishing. All rights reserved.